A change of heart

I've been taking a good advice from a good friend about discipline.  She suggests that don't walk away from the discipline until you see a change of heart/attitude from the child.  So often after I discipline my kids, their attitude remains unchanged even when after they apologized, this indicates a heart that's still hardened.

I've tried this twice already with Noah for the past few days, once today and it seems to be really great.  This morning before school started, I gave the boys time to play and warned them ahead that school was about to start.  Even with their acknowledgment, when the time came for school, Noah still had to complain and whine.  He tried to negotiate for more time to play despite my objection.  I told him if he asked one more time, he would have to go to his room, and of course he did.

After going to his room, he started kicking the door in anger.  I ran upstairs and told him he needed to stay there for 5 more minutes (without touching or playing his toys) until he can cool down and change his attitude.  Not being able to play with his toys made him more angry.  He also didn't want to stay in his room all alone.  However, seeing the poor attitude unchanged, I didn't budge.  I encouraged him to pray to God for help with his anger.  He refused.  I told him that his heart is not ready for change, it's being hardened right now.  He needs to have a soft heart for his attitude to change, so I told him I would go back in a bit.

After 5 minutes, I went upstairs expecting a boy who's still angry at me and would need more time. However, to my surprise, his face was changed.  He looked calm sitting in the corner behind the door.  I asked if he was still angry and he said no.  I put my hand over his heart and said, "your heart isn't hardened anymore, it's soft now".   I then asked him to pray and he did, asking God to help him to have a soft heart and not be angry anymore.  Praise God for this change of heart!

I know that it's going to be continuous process with this, however, every little positive change is great!

The Game of Chess

Recently Ethan had learned to play chess from daddy and had been asking to play every night.  For the last 2 times, daddy had handicapped himself by taking away a few pieces so they can start with a more even playing field.  However, due to being a beginner, Ethan was still unable to beat daddy.  It's been so interesting watching Ethan played this game.  He is a very quick learner, he got all the rules and moves down, and had even started to work on strategy a little.  However, he's a very sore loser.

I was surprised that daddy didn't let Ethan win once to build up his confidence, but I trust that he has his reasons.  I believe Ethan does need to learn to work hard and persevere even when he keeps losing.  Chess is a perfect medium to teach great life lessons.  You can learn to plan ahead your moves, take risks, and patience!

As I was washing dishes and thinking about their chess game, I realized that parenting can sometimes be like a chess game.  Many times I become a sore loser when my kids don't obey me, my pride gets hurt and I think, "I need to win this one".  However, parenting isn't about who the winner is, but to demonstrate a good example for the kids to follow.  I thank God for revealing this truth to me.

Learning Vine Enrichment Program

Yesterday was the first day the boys went to Learning Vine Enrichment Program in Naperville.  Ethan is signed up for PE, LEGO Early Structure and Noah signed up for Math and Movement and LEGO classes.  Yes, it's another attempt to put them together in the same class.  It's a risky move, but I think that since this is a more sit-down quiet class, they won't be as crazy as they were in Karate.  I also suggested to the teacher to keep them separate at ALL times!  The first class was to work on team work, each student has to take turns building a structure together, one piece at a time.  The teacher said they did well with other kids.  I was relieved to hear that!  Ethan also learned to dribble a basketball for the first time in PE, he was so proud!

I had a lot of fun myself being there, I was able to talk to a few veteran moms about raising boys while the boys were in LEGO.  I asked so many questions and got to share my own experiences as well.  It was so great to be able to hang out and chat with other adults!  I look forward to the Fridays ahead!

Sticking to schedule

For the past 2 weeks, we have been starting school late (around 10:30) and the boys were having a hard time focusing.  So I decided to test out different schedules to see what times are most effective for their learning.  I wrote down the whole schedule on our big dry erase board, including homework, reading assignments, and breaks.  The last 2 days, I added an snack/exercise break in between lessons thinking it would help them to be refreshed (it worked for another mom).  However, it didn't work for my boys...they got even more rowdy afterwards.  So I switched the exercise time to be right after breakfast...it seems to work better so far.  Today I was finally able to stick to the schedule and was only 15 mins behind (discipline issues).  I timed their breakfast (20 mins) and lunch (30 mins) so they wouldn't be playing around pushing the schedule off.  This has helped tremendously and proved that they can do it if they don't play around.  So let's see how this will play out next week.

Great support from other moms

First, let me say.....Aghhhh!!!!  It's been a SUPER tough week with the kids.  I really felt like giving up in many of those hard moments and second-guessed myself numerous times.  I would ask, am I being too tough, too gentle, too inconsistent, too easy to say no?  Why are they not listening?

I have been challenged much this week with poor attitudes from Ethan.  I couldn't believe what a 6 year old's bad attitude can be like!  Everything I asked him to do, he had some kind of negative response and tried to negotiate his way out of it.  I ended up falling into the trap of arguing and explaining myself to him!  By the time I realized what I was doing, my anger had built up so much that it wasn't pretty.  I had resorted to sending him to his room a couple days without having any school time.  I was just too mad.

By Friday, I was exhausted physically and was beaten up emotionally.  I felt so miserable and not sure what to do.  However, I was changed by Friday evening.  I met up with my homeschooling prayer group over Skype, we vented, prayed, and encouraged one another.  My dear friends told me to persevere, to keep on training the boys because God is faithful.  I also got some great insight and ideas about setting time-limits on meals as well as scheduling exercise breaks in between lessons.  I can't wait to try them out tomorrow!

I want to thank my homeschooling mom's group for all their support and encouragement, it really makes a difference when you know you're not struggling alone.  Each child has his/her own personality and we all need to teach and train them with patience, love, and grace.  

New Year reflections....

Happy New Year!  As we stepped into 2014, there are so much to reflect upon...

Dear Lord, I praise you for giving me such a fruitful year to spend with my family and friends.  Watching each kid grow into their own personalities has been amazing.  I thank you for giving Ethan such a strong sense to right and wrong, I pray that he would use this to glorify you rather than for his own righteousness.  I thank you for growing Noah's artistic talent and giving him a venue to express himself.  I pray that this will be grown and expand into something even deeper where he can use his creativity to bless others.  I thank you for growing Bethany to be such a sweet girl who's not afraid to play rough with her brothers, who is also not afraid of speaking her mind.  Help her to become a daughter who is obedient to your word over her own.

Lord, I thank you for challenging me to become a better mom this year.  It's been a great struggle not to yell and scream when things go wrong.  You have been constantly reminding me to use gentle words and I haven't always been obedient.  In this new year, I pray that your Spirit will empower me to become a mom who can use gentle words to discipline, even when things seem to be at their worst.  May the kids see the change in me and follow.  Guide me each day to use your words to teach, train, and correct rather than my own.  Help me to run to you for refuge when I feel stressed.  I look forward to all that you'll be doing in our lives this year!  In Jesus' name.  Amen.