So after the recent breakdown, things had gotten somewhat better. My husband and I talked at lengths about formats for discipline, things that are working and not working. We find that grounding works better on Noah because he doesn't like to be alone, he would keep coming out of his room needing attention. However, Ethan's personality is different and enjoys his alone time, so it didn't impact him as much. I had to tell Ethan the "family time" he's missing from being grounded and that impacted him. He broke down and cried, saying he wanted to read to daddy.
I think that many times I get frustrated is due to my own expectations of the kids. The higher and more expectations I set out for the kids, the more disappointed and frustrated I feel. So what then? Do I not set high standards for them? I think I should still set the high standards, however, I need to also expect failures and regressions and accept them without overreacting. So often I have my highs when they're good and expect them to be good for a long time, when they don't, I allowed my emotions to get to me and bring myself down to a very low point.
I do believe this is a spiritual battle. I allow Satan to plant negative thoughts into my head, bringing myself down along with the kids. I would then view the kids in the most negative light beyond reason. I want to win this!
Dear God, I praise you for showing me my weakness. Thank you for Jesus who have defeated Satan and death when you died and rose again. Lord, I am so weak physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I need your help! Give me strength that I need to overcome the fear of failure, the fear of ruining my kids. In Jesus name, take away any negative thoughts that are planted in my head and give me your word and wisdom. May I lead by example and not by mere words. May my words and actions honor and glorify you. In Jesus name. Amen.
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