What to do when your child has what people called a "condition"?

It's been more apparent to us that Ethan has some trouble with focus.  In the past, people from co-op, have approached us about him not being able to focus during group lessons.  However, I treated it as something he will eventually outgrow, he was only 5 or 6 years old after all.

During this year of teaching him at home, spending more time one-on-one with him, I noticed that he gets distracted easily by little things.  It can be a sound in the background, a reflection from the TV, or just plain old backyard.  I often got frustrated having to reread passages and he still couldn't answer questions about it.  I thought he just unwilling to listen.  In addition, his Sunday school teachers have told us that they would have to call on him a few times before he would respond.  So taking all these into consideration, I finally realized that we need to look into this more and not waiting for him to grow out of it.

So we went to see a neurodevelopmentalist and had an evaluation done.  It turns out Ethan is hyper-auditory.  It means he's hyper responsive to both auditory and visually.  He has very strong peripheral vision and anything he sees becomes "visual play" and distract him from focusing on what is in front of him.  He is hyper responsive to even tiniest sounds around him and would get distracted by them and not hear what we're telling him.

However, it isn't as bad as it sounds, he doesn't need to be medicated or anything.  There are activities we can do with him such as number sequencing, reading comprehension practices, verbal direction activities that would help enhance his memory and focus.  I would have to do this daily on top of his schoolwork.  So far it's been difficult to actually follow through it all, but the times that I'm able to do them, I see little progress made.  It's still hard to get his focus at times, but at least I understand and "try" not to get angry or upset all the time over this particular issue.

I am trying to not treat this as a "condition" because it would become a crutch.  I'm constantly reminded that what might seem to be a "weakness" now can be a "strength" when he grows up.

2014 Conclusion

Praise God for another great year!  Despite the ups and downs, I cannot thank the Lord enough for all that He had bless us.  My husband always reminds me that compared to some families, we haven't gone through much "downs" - the kind of trials that could really do damage.  I have to agree with him.  I would say the only complaints I ever really had the past year were common to all moms - the daily grunt work of caring for 3 little ones.  However, the blessings that came with it all was well worth it.  Seeing each of them grew in different ways had given me tremendous joy as a stay-at-home and homeschooling mom.  Again, I cannot praise God enough and I need to.

Ethan had turned 7 this past November and I had already noticed the difference in his talking and mannerism that he's no longer a little boy.  In small ways, my oldest is starting to grown into a little man.  How I miss him as a little toddler, barely walking and wobbly in this steps.  

Noah had learned to get along with Bethany in his own ways.  In fact, he loves hanging out and asking his little sister to go down to play with him in the basement.  I really love their interactions and pretend-plays with each other.  It affirms our decision to homeschool when I see the sibling bond grows deeper each day.

Although Bethany is only 3, she talks and acts like a 5 year old.  Her strong maternal instinct truly amaze me.  There are times when I got hurt (which can be quite often give my clumsy nature) and was in pain, she would be the one crying out louder than me.  I ended up being the one comforting her and stopping her from crying.  Praise God for her empathy.  We had also been working together on the alphabet.  I often feel guilty that I don't spend enough time teaching her as I did with the other two, so I had started teaching her on the side during the school time.  She really enjoys it, especially when rewarded with candy....

All in all, the year 2014 had brought our family much joy.  God has been faithful in keeping our family under his wings.

Here are some fun things we did.

For History, we learned how to make quill pen with straw and pomegranate juice solution.  Cut straw in angle at tip then dip into solution.

Our girl is also a kinesthetic learner.  It was her idea to put the puzzle letters on the alphabet mat to match up.

2nd LEGO Stop Motion Movie

What do homeschooling moms do for Thanksgiving week?  A) School  B)Break?  C) Both?  The answer is C.  Of course we had to do school!  Well, it was very light school, we focused more on worship and bible time.  We were able to dive into some really nice spiritual conversations, like how we need to store our treasure in heaven rather than on earth, and that we don't need to worry when our provider is our heavenly Father.  The boys had lots to ask, it was truly a delight to see their interest in God's word.  This is the vision we had and intent to keep, to focus on building their godly character and not just on academics.  Praise God for this encouragement.

Instead of the regular Language Arts lesson, I thought it would be fun for Ethan to apply all the writing and spelling skills he learned by doing a project.  He's been working on a LEGO model for a while and wanted to do another stop motion movie, so we did!  I asked him to make up characters, setting, and write the script for the movie.  We worked on it together for 3 days, did Beginning, Middle, and Ending of the story.  He had so much fun writing the dialog of the characters.  After the story was written, our whole family took part in voice acting for the movie.  Then many pictures were taken with my phone, Ethan was the one to move each character and thought of their positions.  He totally got the concept!  Lastly, the painful part goes to mommy - movie editing.  I used Movie Maker to insert all the pictures, music and voices.  It took a long time and was challenging, but it was all worth it seeing how it ended.

So here it is on Youtube.  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HCCEbGdhhM

Let's bake!

I have never been a baker and I don't particularly care about sweets, I am a salty snack person.  Lately, however, my non-baking world has been turned around all because of History and Bible lessons.  From History, we learned about American pioneers and how they used to make butter.  The curriculum included a recipe to make our own butter with just heavy whipping cream, so we gave it a try!  All it took was a glass jar, fill it up to half way, then close the lid tightly and shake for 15 mins.  My original plan was to have each of us take turns to shake for 5 mins, but guess who ended up shaking almost all the way....

We (or I) shook it until there's no swooshing sounds from the liquid, then viola!

Just add some salt and you have fresh whipped butter!

Then from Bible lessons, we learned about Jesus is the bread of life and the curriculum provided a bread recipe called Easy Yeast Bread.  It required very few ingredients and the boys got to learn how yeast works from this.  They each took turns adding the ingredients, then kneaded the dough, watched it rise in the oven, and finally did the taste test!

They gobbled it up in a few minutes for lunch!

It's been so much fun exploring these recipes with the boys, I look forward to making more healthy baked goodies with them!

Love learning!

Wow!  Can't believe is almost the end of 5th week of school!  This 5 weeks has gone by pretty steadily and quickly.  I used the first 2 weeks to test out the schedule that works best for us.  In my past experience, trying to time everything only caused stress and take away precious teachable moments.  I was always watching the clock and rushing so that we can squeeze as much as we can, keeping up with the curriculum.  This made me very irritable and teaching wasn't as enjoyable.  This time around, I wanted to do things differently.  I split up the teaching time into morning and afternoon.  Here is my schedule:

Worship/Bible
Language Arts/Math with Ethan (Noah teaches Bethany ABCs or numbers)
Language Arts/Math with Noah (Ethan plays with Bethany)
Snack break
Play outside
Lunch
History
Spelling with Ethan

I tried to put the time for each "subject" the first 2 weeks but decided to take it out.  It only gave me stress.  Sometimes it takes longer to teach a new concept for Math or Language Arts, so why limit the time?  We've enjoyed the outside time a lot, running, climbing, riding on bikes and scooters really help the 3 kids to bond, thrive, and learn even better.  They also got more opportunities to meet new friends at the playground.

Before the school year, I was pretty nervous about teaching History because I didn't enjoy it as a kid myself, and I wasn't sure how to make it interesting. Indeed, I didn't do too well the first 2 weeks, I was sticking to reading aloud the whole text and bringing it a lot of details.  I didn't feel that the boys enjoyed it at all and was afraid they would hate History because of me.  So what did I do?  I turned to my husband for help.  He looked over the History book, and bracket out the parts he felt are important, and left out the rest.  He believes that the boys are going to learn US History at least a couple more times in their schooling years, so it's okay to just teach the basic and not include too much details.  Thanks to my husband, I got my direction back!  Since then, I have greatly reduced the amount of text, and always make sure I draw on the board to help the boys visualize the stories.  Both boys end up loving History time!  Of course, the cool crafts included in the curriculum helped a great deal too.

Another encouraging thing is that Noah has started to LOVE spelling.  He's been working on phonic blends and reading more, so his confidence grew and he's constantly trying to spell and write words and ask us to read them.  What more can a homeschooling mom ask for when your son begs you to teach him how to spell?  Ethan also love his spelling tests and are doing great with them.  He looks forward to getting perfect score and be rewarded with ipad, wii time, or candy.

Another fun we added is baking on Fridays!  I bought a stand mixer and started with boxed brownies to corn muffins, and last Friday we made peanut butter cookies!

Ethan making Native American tepee

Different Native American housing in pioneer days

School has started!

Yes, school has started this week right after Labor Day.  However, I'm taking this week slow and easy, mostly to do reviews, work out schedules, and to establish rules and discipline.  We spent our mornings doing worship, reading, and math practice.  Nice and easy.

Thinking back about summer, it was great.  We didn't focus on academics and enjoyed our time together being out in the sum, traveling to Seattle, did a couple nature camps, etc.  All these things helped each kid to grow and mature.

For Ethan, even though we didn't do academics over the summer, he actually took the initiative to write, spell, and do math on his own.  That is very encouraging for any mom to see.  He also started to take up more responsibility as a big brother, teaching Bethany right from wrong...although sometimes he gets too bossy doing so.  One thing I was hoping he would grow more this summer is endurance.  He hates being hot and sweaty, whenever we went out to the playground, he would start complaining after 10-15 mins and wanted to go home. I really hope that we can work on this area over the school year through more outside play and the gym class he's taking at Learning Vine.  Another thing would be for him to be a better listener.  He's a visual learner so whenever I read something aloud, he loses his attention after a little while.  This goes with lectures from us as well.  So I hope that he will also grow in this area over the school year.

For Noah, he is still bouncy as ever.  I'm glad I signed him up for the nature camp this summer, he was not very good at classroom etiquette last year so this camp helped him to grow in this area.  He also grew in the love of reading bible stories, he's been begging me to read the whole children's bible to him this past few days and I was glad to do so!  He has been struggling to get along with Bethany, constantly picking fights with her, even though she's only 3.  I'm hoping they'll both learn to get along and understand each other better this year.

As for Bethany, it's been amazing seeing her language skills advanced so much this past few months.  She can even say "parallegram" and "tyrannosaurus". However, it's also been hard to discipline her, she is a very stubborn girl.  She struggles in the area of nagging, and I mean, constantly nagging...for food!  You have terrible two's and three's are trying!

We will start next week with full curriculum and schedule, so hopefully we'll manage and have fun at the same time!

Prepping for school because summer is almost OVER!

I can't believe that summer will be over in a few weeks!  I can feel the pressure simply by going to Walmart yesterday...seeing the parents frantically getting school supplies at the last minute.  Although I won't be starting until after Labor Day, I still feel pressure to prepare for the school year ahead of time so I won't be rushing the last minute.  As a homeschooler, not only I have to get all the supplies ready (including potential art supplies for projects), I also need to look over the whole curriculum, throw away old papers, store away old books, etc.  Arghhh!

This year we are continuing with My Father's World curriculum - 2nd grade for the boys.  What I like about MFW is the multi-age teaching it provides so I don't have to get separate curriculum for each child.  Also, starting in the 2nd grade level, the curriculum set doesn't include Language Art and Math.  This design allows parents to get level-appropriate books since some kids might have advanced skills in these particular subjects or some might need more help.  Ethan is technically going into 1st grade but his reading skills is about 3rd grade and can already spell some basic words on his own.  However, there are other Language Arts skills that he needs to learn, so I bought the suggested 2nd grade level Language Art books from the curriculum.  While looking through the curriculum, I did have a frantic moment because of the addition of History this year...thinking of how to fit it all in the schedule.  However, this curriculum is designed for 2nd grade or 3rd grader so I might just spread it over to next year, depending on how well he gets the concepts.  Knowing this, I feel less stressed. Also, a good mom friend reminded me that it's not about how much you teach but how much they learned.  So I will take it slow and have fun with each subject....hopefully!

The boys will also do enrichment class at park district and Learning Vine, both will have gym this year.  Hopefully they will grow in their sportsmanship skills while building up their bodies.

Vet Video #2

Another video of the Tigger surgery.

One of the best times we had during last school year

I've been meaning to post this for a while now.  Over the school year, one of the events we had was having a veterinarian friend Angel came to talk to our co-op. Angel was amazing.  She has the most gentle manner and soothing voice but was still able to hold the attention of all the kids.  We were all amazed at how attentive the kids were when she talked.

Angel introduced the occupation of veterinarian to the kids, explaining what a vet does, how to become one, the types of animals they treat, etc.  She brought in real animal x-rays showing the type of injuries they had.  Angel also taught the kids about dog bite prevention, and performed teddy bear surgery on the stuffed animals each family brought.  She used really surgical instruments!

Here's the video of Ethan and Noah during their Tigger surgery.

Summer break = free play!

It's been a month into our summer break...what have we done?  Originally I had big plans to do 3 days of school each week teaching about animals, body, telling time, etc., however, things didn't work out the way I planned.  I ended up signing the boys up for nature camp.  Noah gets to spend 2 hours each day for a week learning about woodlands, grasslands, and wetlands and explore nature.  Ethan gets a week of all-day camp to do hiking, fishing, canoeing, biking, and even learn survival skills.  

Today was Noah's first day of camp, he was able to share in details of the story book they read in camp, as well as making new friends.  He told me about a mean boy who didn't want Noah to be near him, but Noah was able to peacefully resolved the conflict without getting into any fights.  I told him I was very proud of him and it's a sign of his growth and maturity.

Our friend shared this article "Why Free Play is the Best Summer School", after reading this, I feel more encouraged to just let the kids play all summer and not worry too much about academics.  I still keep up with reading everyday and math problems every other day though.  I do believe summer months are the best time to work on their characters and behaviors rather than academics.  It's also the best time to train them up on doing house chores, and learn how to be "bored".  Right now the boys need to work on getting along with their little sister, who can be very sensitive at times.  I believe letting them do free play is the best way to encourage them to figure out how to get along peacefully.  

Here's the article.

http://m.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/06/for-better-school-results-clear-the-schedule-and-let-kids-play/373144/

School Year-End Party

We finished our last week of co-ops last week and had our year-end party today.  I cannot believe we won't be meeting up next year.  However, driving into the city each week, dropping Steve off at work downtown and then the boys at different homes have been logistically challenging.  I get so exhausted especially since I had to teach at the same time.  Even though we won't be meeting in the fall, I still hope the kids will keep up their friendship by doing regular playdates. It was so nice to see the kids grow up and become buddies.

During the party, the kids each did a show-and-tell to show off their best work over the past year.  It ranged from Science Fair awarded projects to artwork to writing projects.  Ethan read aloud one of his poems "Happiness" which is going to be published in the Creative Communications poetry book.  I thought he was going to be mumbling through the reading but he was actually confident and articulate.  Noah brought his favorite Kindergarten workbook and flipped through telling everyone how he likes to work with it.  Even little Bethany did her own show-and-tell with Noah's workbook!

I'm so thankful to all the co-op teachers who had challenged and shaped our boys. Each of them love and care for them a lot and I'm sure the boys will miss having them as teachers!  We will continue to join Learning Vine for the next school year for enrichment classes, so the boys will be able to expand their horizons and meet other kids from different backgrounds.  However, it won't be the same without their best buddies!

Here is Ethan's Simile poem "Happiness".

We finished our last week of co-ops last week and had our year-end party today.  I cannot believe we won't be meeting up next year.  However, driving into the city each week, dropping Steve off at work downtown and then the boys at different homes have been logistically challenging.  I get so exhausted especially since I had to teach at the same time.  Even though we won't be meeting in the fall, I still hope the kids will keep up their friendship by doing regular playdates. It was so nice to see the kids grow up and become buddies.

During the party, the kids each did a show-and-tell to show off their best work over the past year.  It ranged from Science Fair awarded projects to artwork to writing projects.  Ethan read aloud one of his poems "Happiness" which is going to be published in the Creative Communications poetry book.  I thought he was going to be mumbling through the reading but he was actually confident and articulate.  Noah brought his favorite Kindergarten workbook and flipped through telling everyone how he likes to work with it.  Even little Bethany did her own show-and-tell with Noah's workbook!

I'm so thankful to all the co-op teachers who had challenged and shaped our boys. Each of them love and care for them a lot and I'm sure the boys will miss having them as teachers!  We will continue to join Learning Vine for the next school year for enrichment classes, so the boys will be able to expand their horizons and meet other kids from different backgrounds.  However, it won't be the same without their best buddies!

Here is Ethan's Simile poem "Happiness".

Happiness smells like yummy cake.
Happiness tastes like chocolate.
Happiness sounds like a noisy laugh.
Happiness looks like opening presents on Christmas day.
Happiness feels like freezing snow in my hands when I shovel snow with my dad.

If he wants to be a clown...then let him be!

I wonder if every 6 year old boy goes through this....but Ethan has been acting more and more like a clown lately.  He is getting the wrong attention from others by acting funny, saying weird and funny things, and enjoy the response from his friends.  It's been spreading to his last two Sunday school class and the last lesson at our co-op.

Steve and I were trying to figure out what to do to discipline him.  We had talks with him previously about this sort of behavior but it didn't seem to affect him in any way.  Taking away things would not matter as much to him at this point and can't connect to the bad behavior.  So I came up with this.  I grabbed a plastic take-out soup container, wrapped it with a green construction paper, and wrote "clown" on it with a sharpie.  Ethan had to wear the "clown" hat for 10 minutes against the wall with all of us watching.  I even took a photo of it.  This might seem excessive and even mean.  The 10 minutes was tough for Ethan.  He cried the whole time.  Steve then had a long talk with him in his room.

This morning I had another talk with him asking how he felt when he was goofing off during class.  He told me he wanted to be funny.  I said that it's okay to be funny sometimes and make people laugh, but doing so in a classroom setting is definitely not appropriate.  I asked how he felt when he had to wear the "clown" hat last night.  He said he felt sad.  I told him that real clowns belong in a circus and our family is not a circus.

Today we also learned the bible verse "Even a child is known by his actions, whether their conduct is pure and right." (Proverbs 20:11).  I explained to both boys that their actions can result in good reputation or bad reputation for both themselves and their parents.  They wouldn't want people to know them by being naughty and disrespectful, but rather helpful and gentle, and have self-control.

Lord, thank you for giving me patience today to teach the boys these lessons.  It's been so hard to be consistent, to be tough.  But you command us to train up our children in your ways.  Lord, give me strength and grace to work with them.  Give me teachable moments so I can teach them with your word.  May they keep your word in their hearts and have the desire to do good.  Tomorrow is another day.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Running a tight ship is....exhausting!

We've always been trying to train the kids to obey the first time instead of having to count 1, 2, 3.  However, it's easier said than done.  Lately due to tiredness, laziness, and other reasons, we've been more loose in our discipline, resulting in kids who are slow to respond to our calls.  What really raised the red flag was when Ethan's Sunday school teacher told us that he wasn't responding when he was called on 7-8 times.  We knew at that point that things needed to change immediately.

Steve and I had a long talk about how and where we went wrong.  Mainly we had been giving too many chances for the boys to come to us, and too many warnings before discipline occurs.  Our action plan is to keep the boys on their toes, and expect them to obey the first time or discipline happens right away.

It's been a week now and things have been better.  When they're called, they would say they're coming and respond quicker.  I'm hoping this will come naturally and become a good habit.

Another thing that's been tough was school time.  The boys were just used to learning against things and sitting in whatever position they wanted.  I allowed them to be too comfortable and they had a hard time paying attention.

To change this, I asked them to sit on two plastic stools so they can sit up straight, with their bottoms on the seat the whole time.  They still fidget and struggle to sit still, but it's in working progress.

Running a tight ship this week has been sooooo exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally!  However, I praise God that I see little progress here and there.  We should always rejoice in small victories!

Easter eggs got thrown out

Today is the 4th day of school since Spring Break.  I didn't expect the boys to be perfectly behaved from all the playing they'd done over the break, but when it came to prayer time, I needed them to be serious.   I let them pray first and there were both fine, then it was my turn.  I took a little longer to pray and since I heard no sound from the boys, I thought they must be good and listening.  Of course once I opened my eyes, Ethan was playing with an empty Easter egg shell, and Noah was playing with his Iron Man costume gloves.  I was upset, I was mad.  I told Ethan because he decided to play with the egg shell while I prayed, he will lose all the Easter eggs.  Noah had to take off his costume and can't wear it for the whole day.  Was I too mean?

I asked the boys the same question.  Was mommy being mean?  Both of them said yes.  I had to explain to them that I wasn't being mean but I had to teach them about their actions lead to consequences, good or bad.  It might be seem that I have overreacted, but I really needed the boys to understand the seriousness of prayer time and the importance of respect for God and people who are praying. This has been a ongoing issue with them, they don't have the fear of God yet.

I have to admit though, I have second thoughts about throwing the all the eggs out. Should I have only thrown out one or a few?  Ethan was very sad but didn't throw a tantrum which was shocking to me.  I calmed him down and explained my reasons, he was fine.  I think it was wild but hopefully a good decision made.

Back from Spring Break....

Last week was our Spring Break.  We celebrated Noah's 5th birthday visiting the dinosaurs at the Field Museum.  It was also a week of getting together with old and new friends.  We hosted playdates with our pastor's wife, a college friend, and friends from the city.  It was truly a busy week!  I would have to say that I didn't really get physically rested during this week, but being able to have adult conversations with moms was priceless!

I have to say the favorite part of the week was the day I spent with just the boys. The day started with going to Noah's 5 year checkup with Ethan tagging along (Bethany went to the city with my husband).  We then went to the library to read books and played on the computer.  I let the boys choose to have lunch between Culver's and Wendy's and they chose Wendy's.  During lunch, Ethan said something that surprised me.  He said, "hmm, this is fun".  I didn't think that doing "mundane" and "ordinary" things like going to doctors, library, and Wendy's would be "fun" for them.  We also spent extra time at Wendy's putting together their kids' meal toys - monster truck with cardboard ramps.

That day was indeed fun and relaxing for us.  It reminded me that we don't need to do extravagant things to impress our kids, to make ourselves look like fun parents.  Kids just want to spend time with us, no matter what we're doing.  When Noah wanted to do sticker book with me, he would tell me he likes it because he's doing it with me.  So I need to remind myself that it's not "what" we do with our kids that is the most important, but the "time spent" with them.

I thank God for revealing this truth to me this past week.

Getting better...but still struggling

So after the recent breakdown, things had gotten somewhat better.  My husband and I talked at lengths about formats for discipline, things that are working and not working.  We find that grounding works better on Noah because he doesn't like to be alone, he would keep coming out of his room needing attention. However, Ethan's personality is different and enjoys his alone time, so it didn't impact him as much.  I had to tell Ethan the "family time" he's missing from being grounded and that impacted him.  He broke down and cried, saying he wanted to read to daddy.

I think that many times I get frustrated is due to my own expectations of the kids. The higher and more expectations I set out for the kids, the more disappointed and frustrated I feel.  So what then?  Do I not set high standards for them?  I think I should still set the high standards, however, I need to also expect failures and regressions and accept them without overreacting.  So often I have my highs when they're good and expect them to be good for a long time, when they don't, I allowed my emotions to get to me and bring myself down to a very low point.

I do believe this is a spiritual battle.  I allow Satan to plant negative thoughts into my head, bringing myself down along with the kids.  I would then view the kids in the most negative light beyond reason.  I want to win this!

Dear God, I praise you for showing me my weakness.  Thank you for Jesus who have defeated Satan and death when you died and rose again.  Lord, I am so weak physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I need your help!  Give me strength that I need to overcome the fear of failure, the fear of ruining my kids. In Jesus name, take away any negative thoughts that are planted in my head and give me your word and wisdom.  May I lead by example and not by mere words.  May my words and actions honor and glorify you.  In Jesus name.  Amen.

A breakdown

Yup...just like the post title says, I broke down today.

I have been bottling up a lot for the last few weeks, feeling very burdened with everything.  I had even led a prayer meeting on "laboring" 2 weeks ago.  I felt like everything I had to do as a homeschool mom was a labor and it weighed down on me so much.  I found myself constantly signing every time I see the kids being disobedient or not paying attention when I taught.  Even at times when they're just being playful, I saw that as annoying and couldn't stand it.  Something wasn't right.  As I was writing up the question for the prayer meeting, I found my answer to the question: Why do I feel this way?  It is because I have been relying on my own strength too much.  I have't gone to Jesus for help.  I used my own wisdom to discipline, to teach, to do everything.  I needed to get refreshed by His word and prayer but I didn't have the discipline to do so.

So back to today.  The boys haven't been very good at listening this last week, especially during our bible lessons.  I have been reading the stories from the curriculum, trying to use my own words when possible to train them to listen well.  I could have drawn pictures on the board to make it easier for them, but the point was to train their listening and comprehension skills.  However, every time I read to them, they are either spacing out or goofing off.  I ALWAYS ended up repeating the stories a few times and they still wouldn't give me the right answers.

When this happened again this morning, I just got so angry and sent the boys up to their rooms.  I then started crying and just couldn't stop for a long time.  I felt like I was releasing all of the stress and burden I felt for the last few weeks.  I was asking God what to do.  My husband was kind enough to take over and talked to the boys.  He grounded the boys in their rooms and could only come out for meals.  No toys and no TV.

Later, I was told that when asked what "love" is, the boys gave answers like, "giving gifts", "hugs and kisses", etc.  My husband reminded them "love" is sacrifice for others, not thinking about yourself, like God showed his love to us by sacrifice of Jesus.  Ethan later drew a picture filled with hearts for me.  I told him while I appreciate the gift, I would rather have him show love to him by obedience.  I know this is not over, and we have a long way to go....

Power of signs

It's been about 3 weeks now since the in-laws have gone.  The boys are finally back to normal...not as wild as before.  Of course there were still moments of craziness and loud noises, but the overall behavior and attitudes have been improved with the boys.

I have posted this sign from a friend's link to a parenting website.  It's on the wall right next to the kitchen, so the boys can see it every time they pass by.  Since Ethan is the one who can read, he's been the one affected the most by it.  He's been picking up blocks on the floor that were spread out by Bethany and cleaning up without asking.  He's been less whiny about cleaning up in general.  I didn't expect the signs to be so powerful.

If it’s broken, fix it. 
If it’s empty, fill it up. 
If it’s open, shut it. 
If it’s out, put it away. 
If it’s messy, clean it up. 
If you can’t, then tell mommy. 
That’s honor.

However, it's been hard with Noah's attitude.  He's been butting heads with Bethany constantly, arguing and even growling at each other.  Although Bethany is the youngest, she's not afraid to stand up for herself.  However, she has also been the one to instigate, provoking Noah to anger.  I was told that siblings who share similar personalities will butt heads when they're little, but will become very close when they're older.  I do really hope that's true!

On school note, it's been so fun and challenging to work with Ethan on writing metaphor poems.  I was never good or interested in reading or writing poems myself, but he had certainly inspired me to do so.  Thank you, Melody for challenging the boys to do this.  I didn't think he can do it!

Here's an example of what he did.

Bad behavior post in-laws visit

It's been a week since my in-laws have left our house.  They stayed for more than a week this time.  Every time they come visit, it seems like the boys' behavior go downhill from the beginning and last for a couple weeks.  Discipline would get much looser and my motivation to be consistent also goes down.  I'm making this sound very terrible, right?

Tonight, Steve and I had this discussion of what to do when his parents are visiting.  It's been a vicious cycle of us training the boys, then his parents come, they behave badly, then we end up re-training.  I was putting the blame on them, that they keep interfering and letting the boys loose.  However, Steve brought up some very good and key points that I hated to admit - his parents are not the ones to blame, we are.

We are the owner of our kids, so no matter who is in our house, we are solely responsible for their discipline.  Yes, we will face disagreements and interference from my in-laws, however, we still don't give up to do our part.  We got more passive and lazy when Steve's parents are there to help, therefore, the boys got more opportunities to get away with things.

In the coming days, we'll be have clearer communication with Steve's parents so that we're on the same page with expectations.  Hopefully this will avoid some of the issues we've had.

Clean up your toys or ....

It's been so difficult asking the boys to clean up their rooms.  Every time it's like a battle of wills.  Every time they say "not now".  Every time it takes them forever to do it.  Every time they don't remember to not make a big mess so they can spend less time cleaning up.  So following a good friend's advice, we are now giving them each 15 minutes to clean up the toys in their rooms after quiet time, whatever is left on the floor after the timer goes off go into a bag for a week.  They also need to do the same to clean up toys from the family room after dinner, or they'll lose their toys for a week.

We've implemented this for 2 days, Noah lost a few toys in the family room the first day, he was angry - which was good.  That means it's working.  He quickly learned the lesson and hasn't lost the toys in his room since.  Ethan, however, it's taking a bit longer to learn this lesson.  He still gave me the "not now" response last night.  We ended up just giving him 2 minutes on the timer and took some toys away.  Today when his friends wanted to play with hot wheels, he knew they were in the bag, and was disappointed he couldn't play with them.  I hope that this will be a good reminder for him.  Steve and I still need to more consistent keeping this up each day.  Our goal is for them to learn not to make big messes to begin with, and learn to organize things in a more efficient way so clean up won't be as difficult.